“I can’t wait for you to get pregnant… your kids are going to be so cute!” a friend of mine recently said to me.
People frequently tell me they know the Lord will bless us with children someday. I pin thousands of things on Pinterest, knowing we’ll have kids someday. I talk about our children’s future birthday parties that I know I’ll be planning someday. I’ve started collecting things for and designing boy and girl nurseries that I know I’ll be creating someday.
But the truth is I honestly don’t believe beyond a shadow of doubt that the Lord WILL bless us with a family.
There, I’ve said it.
I know that He can. I know that He considers children a blessing. I know that He made all living things with the purpose of procreation. But nowhere in scripture does it say that He is bound to give us a child or that He is any “less good” if He doesn’t.
And I’m okay with that.
What I’ve learned is that He is enough.
God is enough.
What the scriptures do promise is that
He will be with me (Psalm 23:4)
He will uphold me (Psalm 145:14)
He will never fail me (Deuteronomy 31:6)
He will love me (Lamentations 3:22-23)
He will be my rock and my salvation (Psalm 18:2)
So do I hope and anxiously anticipate a womb full of new life? Yes!
Do I long for my arms to be wrapped around a precious child? Yes!
Do I long to see what our children will look like? Yes!
But am I going to put God in a box that says He must give me children or else He is not true to His character? No.
Do I live every day of my life praying for children, believing if I don’t ever have them that my life is a waste? No.
Do I seek Him solely as a means to an end? No.
I feel myself starting to slide into a valley. The Christian life, as I’ve experienced so far, is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, mountains and valleys, seasons of joy and seasons of sorrow. The Lord has been SO gracious to me and I know I’m coming off of the highest mountain. It is because of this that I do not fear the valley that is ahead. I see it coming, I can’t stop it, but I refuse not to embrace it. Walking through the valley allows me to put my faith to the test and know that my God is who He says He is.
He is the giver of life!
Life inside my womb? Maybe. Everlasting life for those who believe in Him? Absolutely.
My husband gave me a charm bracelet for Valentine’s Day. The charm is the Hebrew symbol for life. I originally wanted it to remind me of the life I know we’ll experience someday as a family of seven.
But the Lord has shown me it is more of a reminder that He has rescued me from the bonds of hell. And even if I never hold new life in my arms, I can rest assured that I have an everlasting life (free from pain and sorrow) secured for me because of what my Savior did.
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life
No one comes to the Father except though Me.” John 14:6
humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane
Amen as Matt has said over and over again from the book of Daniel...He can, He will and even if He doesn't I will still praise Him.
ReplyDeleteYou are a child of the most High God and that is the treasure, a worthy vessel in and of yourself. He alone knows the future and He alone will bring glory in and through you.
Precious gift from hubby.
yes, he did good! =)
DeleteI often think of Matt saying he wants to struggle well. It doesn't always make this easier, but definitely worth the battle. I'm so grateful He's already won!
What an amazing husband you have to walk alongside you! That in itself is truly a gift from God. And remember that the Lord is right beside you every step of the way. You are precious in His sight. And our God is amazing. So take one day at a time and do what He is calling you to do today. Trust Him with tomorrow and the when questions.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and love,
Debbie
My husband has been amazing through this... he has been so stable despite my whirlwind of emotions. It's so comforting to know He's beside me, especially on the lonely days when the house could not be more quiet. Growing up in a family of seven, there was never a quiet moment, and I miss that more than I ever thought I would. People ask us all the time "Don't you enjoy your peace and quiet?" And I'm like "No! I'd give anything to have a loud house. =)
DeleteBut that's when I turn on my worship music and draw near to Him. Yes, He is so amazing!!
This is a beautiful gift. What a great guy!
ReplyDeleteYou keep praying, trusting and KNOWING that God is woven into every desire of your heart.
Praying right alongside of you.
xo
Sonja
I love the thought of God being woven into our desires... what a beautiful picture. Thank you so much for praying!
Delete